The other night I was at an industry event in Beverly Hills and saw a super cute guy talking to my good friend Tim at the cocktail party. My radar went off and I immediately made a beeline for Tim in order to find out who this new person was and more importantly, if he was single. I weave in and out of people at record speed while avoiding eye contact with anyone so I don’t get caught in a conversation and miss my opportunity to interact with Hot Guy. I make it over to them in about 10 seconds without interruption. (Yes!)
They’re in mid conversation so I strategically maneuver myself in a close enough position to be right near them BUT with my back towards them and my focus on the other side of the room as not to look “obvious.” I listen to their exchange and wait for the exact right moment to strike.
While I’m listening to them I’m also tuned in to 2 other conversations going on next to me. Just in case my segue into Tim’s convo with Hot Guy is a colossal fail, I have now lined up 2 other potential conversations I can jump into in a pinch. (Another reason why eavesdropping on people around you can sometimes be [most of the time] is always beneficial.) Listening to simultaneous conversations AND absorbing all the information is a skill that only women possess by the way. We are the Master Multitaskers of the Universe. We can take in 3x the amount of info while signaling to our friend at the bar to get us another drink as we strategically place ourselves next to potential new crush. Easy.
I am in place and ready for my entree into the conversation. Right as I hear it come to an end, I causally turn towards them and catch Tim’s eye. “Hey!” he says and asks Hot Guy, “Do you know Angie?” BOOM! I’m in. “No, Hi! Nice to meet you!” “Nice to meet you too,” I say. He’s so cute and funny and cool and FLIRTY with me. Yay!
Dinner is about to be served so they start to corral everyone into the ballroom and we say goodbye to Hot Guy. Once we’re out of earshot I say to Tim, “What’s his deal?” He tells me what brought him to the event and what he does for work. “He’s HOT!” I admit. “I KNEW it! Ha! I fucking knew it,” he laughs in my face. “Will you find out what his deal is? Get the scoop ok? I bet XXX knows him!” We continue on with our night. I don’t see Hot Guy again but Tim agrees to get on the case for me.
The next day I get this email from Tim and this is all it says:
“fyi
[Insert Hot Guy’s name, cell # & email address here]”
I write back to Tim:
“That’s IT? What am I supposed to do with THAT? You’re supposed to find out ALL the details on his life whilst strategically chatting me and my awesomeness up! Harrrmph!! P.S. Thank you SO much tho…totally sending him an invite to my party!”
Tim responds:
“Haha! I don’t even really know this dude. It’s tough for me to break into something like that. At least I made the connection dammit! Ha.”
“Yes yes, of course. “A” for effort! thank you! love u!” I write back.
I have a great great friend from high school named Lacey who would’ve had Hot Guy completely vetted by now along with his blood type, the list of current medications he’s on and his police record, (AND she lives over 3000 miles away.) No one produces more thorough info in less than 24 hrs better than that girl does. It’s a gift.
Men can hardly remember the specifics (especially the nuances - which are so important!) of a conversation that JUST needs to be recapped, never mind sending them in to gather information and analyze the data for you. Trying to get the details out of them usually goes something like this:
Woman: “Is that all she said?”
Man: “Yeah, I think so”
Woman: “You think so? Well, HOW did she say it?”
Man: “Whaddya mean? I don’t know she just said it!”
Woman: “Did she seem mad? How was her tone exactly? And give me an example of how she seemed ‘pissed off.’”
Man: Exasperated, “WHAT?! I DON’T FUCKING KNOW SHE JUST SAID IT!”
Woman: Frustrated, Siiigh. “Well I can’t help you then if you’re not gonna give me all the details.”
Man: “I GAVE YOU ALL THE DETAILS!!”
We’ve all had these conversations with men. I know you know what I’m talking about. They don’t gather all the details and the devil is in the details fellas. We, on the other hand not only get the details AND nuances, we could reenact the whole thing for you, describe the tone and meaning behind the words that were said (complete with vocal inflection based on who is being quoted in the story) and provide any other data analysis and observations you may need.
Alright, looks I’m going to have to go digging for details myself. I punch his name into Google. A page comes up and I look at the picture. Hmmm…I was kinda buzzed and all when I met him but I don’t remember him looking anything like this. Same name. Different guy. I try Facebook. We must have mutual friends I think. Type his name in the search window and whomp there it is! That’s him. I go to his page and it’s open! (I love when pages are open!) It makes Facebook stalking SO much easier and detached all at the same time because you don’t have to be “Friends” to see all their shit. It is a gift to us from the Cyberstalking Gods.
I click on his page and my eye immediately goes to this line on the “Info” section:
“Hot Guy is married to [insert Mrs. Hot Guy’s name here]”
WHAT? NO!
FUCK!! God DAMMIT!
And because I want to torture myself even more, I click “Photos” and up pops a pic of him, his gorgeous (PREGNANT) wife and their toddler aged son.
Whamp, whamp, whamp, whaaaaaah…
Awesome.
Sigh.
Ok, well there goes THAT prospect. Next! Thank GAWD I found out now before I made contact. I think the moral of the story is quite clear though, don’t you? “Facebook Stalking” is a vital part of the vetting process and “Open” pages are a wealth of useful information. Utilize the research tools you’ve been given otherwise the Hot Guy who flirted with you (and who WASN’T wearing a ring) just might show up to your party with his gorgeous pregnant wife. Nothing says “Buzz Kill” quite like seeing your potential new crush as one part of a beautiful, happy couple about to procreate.
(Show offs.)
