December 2011
2 posts
FIRST DATE AFTER HIATUS = EPIC FAIL or WHY AM I...
Last April, after one lame date too many, I decided to take a break from all this dating business. Instead of going out with another loser, I felt my time would be better spent staying home and watching The Biggest Loser (at least it would be much more motivating.) I decided I was going to get back to the gym and really get on a good diet and exercise regime once and for all. I was going to focus...
SHE'S BAAAACK!
After a long ass self imposed hiatus, I’m back with a date tonight in Eagle Rock. Why the hell am I truckin’ out to Eagle Rock you may ask? I have no idea really…but let’s just hope this isn’t a big ol’ waste of time & I end up regretting my decision to “get back out there” while I could have been content on my couch watching The Big Bang Theory....
March 2011
3 posts
CNN: To the brain, getting burned & getting dumped... →
BURN BABY BURN IT’S A (HEARTBREAK) DISCO INFERNO
BACHELOR #1 : GONE FISHIN'
Getting dumped absolutely sucks. There is no way around it. You’ve been rejected and “tossed back”. Catch and release. And you’ve been released. As your self esteem plummets to it’s death to the depths below, you find yourself justifying your worth, your attractiveness and your desirability. It’s a horrible downward spiral (but something that will get your ass...
WEIRDOS, THEY'RE JUST NOT FOR HETEROS ANYMORE.
I sometimes wonder if dating would be easier if I were a lesbian. Turns out, our lesbian sisters are encountering the same insane bullshit on their journey through on line dating as well. Here’s a recent email: Okay, I just had to tell you this cause I know you can relate and so you won’t think you heteros get all the weirdos. So I’m talking to this woman online and she asks...
February 2011
6 posts
LADIES & GENTLEMEN...MEET THE BACHELORS
I recently met 3 different bachelors. Here’s what happened:
BACHELOR #1
As you know, I have dived head first into the on-line dating abyss (again.) After a string of haaaaarible (that’s how my mom pronounces it) dates last spring, I decided to shut it down. This lady was closed for business after the guy with no pinky, the guy who wanted me to meet his dad after the first date and the...
BACHELOR #3
I almost canceled on Bachelor #3 (aka “Hiatal Hernia”) altogether, and for good reason. Why? Because he kept insisting that we meet at the Grove, on the footbridge near the water fountain because it would be “romantic.” ROMANTIC? The Grove on a Saturday night with every god damn tourist, strollers (with baby strollers!), and throngs of teenagers all out on dates...
Last night I had a dream that Matt Dillon wanted to have sex with me. I told him maybe. I guess my whole new “withholding sex” concept has even reached my subconscious.
BACHELOR #2
This entry could have had so many other titles; “Penis Peenata,” “Psychic Awakenings,” or “No One Is Ever Going To Believe This One.” Bachelor #2 and I met on www.nerve.com. From his profile I can tell he’s a bit eccentric and artsy. He mentions that he went to college in Boston (so did I) and he sounds like the kind of guy who would have went to the same...
BACHELOR #1
As you know, I have dived head first into the on-line dating abyss (again.) After a string of haaaaarible (that’s how my mom pronounces it) dates last spring, I decided to shut it down. This lady was closed for business after the guy with no pinky, the guy who wanted me to meet his dad after the first date and the sweaty guy who told me he hadn’t adjusted his “meds” yet and...
IT'S RAINING MEN (HALLELUJAH)
I went from having NO dates over the past few months to having a cluster fuck of dates and now I’m having a hard time managing the schedule. Good problem to have I guess.
January 2011
4 posts
“I’m just not sure if he’s cool enough for you.”
– Could be the best thing that anyone has ever said to me. And they did. Tonight.
Guess who has a date on Friday night? Look out world! Mama is back in the saddle again! (Hopefully.)
SO THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO? FUCK.
I recently made the (possibly bad) decision to go back to on line dating. Today one of my “matches” was this charming fellow whose screen name is “Luvlrgtitts” - yes, you read that correctly - his screen name is LOVE LARGE TITS. We’re off to a great start already! Of course me and my B cups were intrigued and horrified all at the same time and had to read the rest of...
December 2010
3 posts
"CHRISTMAS WRAPPING" BY THE WAITRESSES (clickety... →
Hope you finally end up with the “guy you’ve been chasing all year” whilst shopping for cranberries on Christmas Eve.
Last night I caught a Lifetime flick starring Lucy Liu who gets not one, not two but THREE marriage proposals. I think this is extremely irresponsible movie making on Lifetime’s part.
ARE YOU IN A "DICK FOG"? (clickety click here to... →
Check out my friend Heather Le Roy’s “Dick Fog” blog. We’ve all been in a Dick Fog at some point in our lives. Maybe you’re in one right now? Or maybe you’re asking yourself, “What the hell is a Dick Fog?” Either way, click the link above to take the “Dick Fog Diagnostic” test and to find out more about this serious dilapidating...
November 2010
3 posts
Got this text from my ex husband today:
“Pilot light lit…$75 dollars
Stoves swapped out…$75 dollars
Your ex-wife not nagging you about it anymore….priceless.”
Thank you to my ex for helping me with my “To Do” list before our families descend upon us for the Thanksgiving holiday. We’re all spending it together just like a functional divorced...
“Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person...”
– Quote by Sara Paddison
Last night I was arguing with my son in the CVS parking lot while simultaneously downing 2 birth control pills that I had just picked up at the pharmacy. Irony or practicality of life I ask you?
October 2010
4 posts
"YOU'RE TOXIC, I'M SLIPPIN' UNDER..."
Cutting the toxic people out of your life can be one of the most liberating things you can do. I finally did it today (once and for all!) and I can’t tell you how amazing and strong I feel inside. A weight has been lifted and I feel free! Phone numbers have been erased, Facebook accounts have been blocked, any left over feelings I once had are dead & gone (finally!), my heart feels...
I was just texting with a guy who ended the convo with “cool beans” which means I will never speak to him again. Ew.
ricosuavee:
Sometimes if you give someone the attention they’re looking for
they’ll feed off of it.
Once you stop giving a shit, or at least pretend you don’t give a shit,
they’ll grab on to your leg begging you not to go.
If someone wants to play a game, do yourself the favor and play it better.
Encountered yet ANOTHER married man without a ring. WTF? We flirted for over an HOUR and then, THEN he drops the “yeah me and my wife…” comment. WIFE?! God dammit all to hell. Siiiiigh.
September 2010
7 posts
HOW YA LIKE ME N.O.W.?
In life, I believe one should have choices. That’s the great thing about America, we are a free society able to choose what and who we want to be and who we want to do for that matter - they don’t get that choice in some countries and then they stone you to death for it. (Yeah, I’m talking about you Iran and you can go fuck right off.) When I started this blog I made a point not...
BREAKUP RECOVERY KIT (click here) →
I’m spending $50 bucks a month on a gym membership and I’m not working out. I’m also spending $30 bucks a month on birth control and I’m not getting laid. So that’s basically $80 bucks a month spent on being lame.
TIME WON'T GIVE ME TIME
I recently received this email from a male reader and his timing couldn’t have been more perfect. It was a topic I had been thinking very seriously about as of late and I’ve been wanting to write a piece about it. Here’s what he had to say:
Do you sometimes think dating as a single parent is the dumbest, most idiotic waste of your time, ever? I am new to all this at 39. By...
HI FRIENDS: please follow rudamae.tumblr.com
For all you dog lovers out there, this is my friend’s blog about his beautiful dog, Ruda Mae.
“I need to be called out on my shit, because my shit is pretty fucked up. ~...”
– by Penny Lane
A divorced lifestyle is very conducive to napping every other weekend. Something to keep in mind.
August 2010
10 posts
QUESTION FROM A SINGLE DAD
Do you sometimes think dating as a single parent is the dumbest, most idiotic waste of your time, ever? I am new to all this at 39. By all accounts I think I have my shit together (hell, I’ll send you my bio from a recent conference I spoke at and it doesn’t appear that I am a loser) and dating is the most frustrating thing I’ve come across. Having been out of the dating scene...
I’m thinking life just might begin at 40. I’m almost sure of it.
Attention married men who do not wear their wedding rings!! Knock it the fuck off! Put the god damn ring back on and stop wasting my time.
Thank you,
Angie
DEAR ANGIE...
Dear Angie, So I am still dating the same guy, but after last night I’m very confused. Last November I ended an on off friendship/dating thing with this guy we will call “The Flake.” I told him we have been doing this for 5 years now and I am sick of you. I have never treated friends like you treat me and you have been deleted from my world … sent via text of...
"I HAVE TO WAIT TO CALL, RIGHT?" WRONG!
I love the movie Swingers (Vince Vaughn’s finest work in my opinion) but I hate that it introduced the “waiting x amount of days to make contact” concept to prospective gentleman callers everywhere. It just adds unnecessary stress to an already stressful and adrenaline inducing situation. And let’s be honest, I’m impatient and I don’t have time to wait. And if...
MY PROMISE TO MYSELF
When this plane touches down in LA in 2 hours, it’s the beginning of my new start. Moving forward and no more looking back on the past. Hearts are finally going to heal and so am I.
July 2010
8 posts
I'VE HAD PROUDER MOMENTS...
All of the women in my family do what my sister calls, the “Perodeau Shuffle.” This consists of having to pee FIERCELY and INSTANTLY the moment you put your keys in the front door resulting in you crossing your legs tightly and shuffling your way across the floor to the bathroom whilst trying desperately not to pee your pants. For whatever reason our bladders feel the need to burst the...
“So, a mutual friend posted your blog on Facebook and I gave it a read. As a 39...”
My 21 year old sister has been living with me for the summer while she does her internship. She has found and locked in her very own #1 Gay! It’s a girl’s first step in making it in the big city. I’m very proud of her.
“Figures. Thought I was being “flirted with” - turns out he’s...”
POST-SEX PHONE ETIQUETTE QUESTION FROM A READER...
Angie, So I have been dating this guy for 3 months. He is 2 months shy of 46, very attractive and very much a bad boy. I will also say sex with older men is so wonderful … I can never get enough. My only problem is he has this problem with me texting or being on my phone when I am with him. It’s crazy … like he has made a point to tell me that we are not in a relationship. So to...
WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE GOOSE...
A "fling", according to Wikipedia is "a physical and emotional relationship between two people who may have a sexual relationship without necessarily demanding or expecting the extra commitments of a more formal romantic relationship."
I have one of these with a sweetheart of a guy who I adore who lives up in San Francisco. We see each other when we can and sometimes go months without being in touch but we enjoy the (small amounts of) time we do get to spend together. When he started following my blog, I worried about what that would mean for our "fling"....here's how it went (via text of course)...
Him: Hi Angie, how's it going? Just wanted to let you know (xxxx xxx xxx~bunch of private descriptive info that must remain censored~xxx) Hope you are well!
Angie: HI!!! You've been on my mind! YAY! I'm SO happy for u! I want to c u!
Him: Ahhh spanks, you've been on my mind too. Love to c u! BTW saw Steve Miller Band at the Greek last night - totally thought of you - looked for u - lol.
(xxx~more continued conversation that needs to be edited out~xxx)
Angie: How about next week?
Him: Next week is on!
Angie: So glad u want to get together. I was afraid the "Angie" stories would make you run away!
Him: My philosophy is let he who is w/o an occasional fling cast the first stone :)
Angie: HAHA!! Love it! :) Wait...does that mean YOU ARE having OTHER "flings"?! Don't answer that :) (But I better be your "only") just kidding....sorta
Him: No! Just saying...if the opportunity presented itself...Let's just say, your blog has made me a little envious!
Angie: Ok ok...I know, but u have a place in my heart no one else will! Ur my #1 "fling" no matter what!!
Him: Ahh, shucks no one has ever said that to me before :)
Angie: Hahahahaa! We're so romaaaaantic!
Wars Were Fought Over Tim Riggins
recapthis:
Anytime it’s a near dusk scene on Friday Night Lights I get really excited about the notion that I will be seeing Tim Riggins in the Texas sun AND the Texas wind. It’s like seeing the Mona Lisa for the first time if the Mona Lisa was beautiful and had that hair. Tim Riggins should hang in the Louvre.
Texas forever, you guys, Texas forever.
“Last night during a jet-lagged sleepless state, I checked my Match.com account...”